IS SOCIALIZING PLEASURABLE?
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- Posted by admin at 3:14 PM GMT
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- Filed under TYPES OF PLEASURES FOR LIFESTYLE CHANGE
Researchers and therapists often prescribe social contact and support as essential in feelings of well-being. They state that in order to have a happy and satisfying life, we must have connections with others. Furthermore, it has been noted that those of us with strong social networks and connections fare better in situations of adversity. All in all, it appears that having social connections is a good idea when we want to increase pleasure and well-being in our lives. And in fact, the research on pleasure classifies many pleasurable experiences as social activities. Rozen, et al. 2008 determined what people found pleasurable by developing a questionnaire (PAL) and, as would be expected, social activities ranked high in experiences people found pleasurable.
But what is it about the connection with others that gives us pleasure? Do we derive pleasure from connecting with others or does a general feeling of being happy or pleasured connect us with others? Well-being researchers have noted that extroverts tend to be happier than introverts because of their desire to engage with others. However, other researchers have stated that extroverts connect with others because they are happy and not because connecting with others makes them happy. The point being is that extroverts are happier even when they are not connecting to others. It is interesting to explore the relationship between pleasure and social connection. Do we find more pleasure in social activities because we are happier and more prone to pleasure or do the social activities give us pleasure? I am inclined to think that it is a bit of both. In other words, social connections give us pleasure, which then makes us happier, which then helps us to attract more social connection and vice versa.
Additionally, researchers have recently noted that it is not merely the engagement in social activities that promotes well-being but rather a sense of connectedness to a social group or person. The connection brings about feelings of security, competence, and trust and may even balance symptoms of anxiety and depression. Researchers go as far as to state that social connectedness is related to higher testosterone levels. The feeling of social connectedness is argued to help people regulate emotions and feel happy and positive even when alone. Hence, it is not the social connection in itself that brings about feelings of happiness and pleasure, but rather the feelings of security, trust, and competence.
Furthermore, moments of connection to others are memorable in both negative and positive ways. We all have experienced the highs and lows that come from being in a relationship with another human being. There are as many social connections that are bad as they are good and researchers have made a point in highlighting that it is not the social connection that provides us with well-being but rather our perception of whether or not the connection is positive. Hence, they argue that it is not the quantity of social connections that we have, but rather the quality of these social relationships. In the end, satisfaction with social relationships is argued to be the strongest predictor of subjective well-being.
How does this help us when engaging in pleasure? My research on social connections and well being has made me realize that engaging in social activities such as the ones listed below without thought as to why they give us pleasure would not be beneficial and may even be harmful. Just because we are engaging in a social activity does not mean that we should derive pleasure from it. And, engaging in larger quantities of social activities does not equate with greater pleasure in life. The list provided is merely a thinking guide to help you analyze which social activities really give you pleasure and why. The idea is for you to feel empowered to make your own choices as to what gives you pleasure because we are all different in regards to what gives us pleasure. However, we all need some form of social connection that is pleasurable. It is up to us to define what that will look like. The following list is adapted from the PAL measure developed by Rozen et al. 2008 and should help you begin to think about pleasure and social connection in your life.
- Visiting my parents, family
- Visiting friends or acquaintances
- Having a meal with friends
- Giving a party
- Having coffee, tea, etc., with friends and acquaintances
- Having houseguests
- Writing a letter or an e-mail
- Fund raising, organizing events and committee work as a hobby
- Chatting with a stranger
10. Telling something I have experienced
11. Talking about my daily pursuits
12. Attending an official ceremony
13. Phone friends or acquaintances
14. Meeting someone new
15. Performing a task at work with others
16. Counseling someone
17. Asking for help or advice
18. Visiting people who are sick or in trouble
19. Flirting
20. Dating
21. Telling someone what I think of him/her
22. Going to the movies
23. Going to a restaurant / eat out
24. Going to a bar or cafe
25. Going to parties or receptions
26. Chatting on the internet
27. Sending a SMS or MMS
28. Internet (surfing, downloading)
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